Speedcouch Forum

General Discussions => Race Talk => Topic started by: marrtinigirl on February 15, 2004, 04:20:05 PM

Title: Separate rules for Dale Jr?
Post by: marrtinigirl on February 15, 2004, 04:20:05 PM
I just finished reading the letters to the editor in Nascar Scene.  Seems that a lot of the fans are now blaming the points change on Dale Jr, stating that Nascar will do anything to hand him a title.  At first I thought this was ridiculous, but then it hit me...

While visiting DEI, I do remember seeing a lot of Nasa engineers wandering around making notes and disappearing into secret rooms.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I realize that they must have been creating special cars for Jr to run in the first 26 races to guarantee that he would make it to the top 10.  I'm not sure, but I think the body of his car will be Rubbermaid (sorry Kurt) so when it gets hit, it will just bounce back.  No worry about messing up the aerodynamics.  

Of course, just a special car isn't enough.  They had to find tires that wouldn't blow out or wear out.  After many trials--steal, rubber, plastic, etc, I think they finally decided on cutting out the bottom of his car and letting the Bud Clydesdales run Flintstone style.  Talk about horsepower!!

Of course, then there was the whole driver problem.  Afterall, Jr is only human.  After many years of trying, they have successfully cloned him and had Bill Gates tweak his brain and response times, therefore guaranteeing that there will always be an alert healthy Dale Jr behind the wheel of this new super-car.  This will also appeal to all of those fans complaining that Jr doesn't do enough personal appearances.  Now there is plenty of him to go around!! Perfect!!

Of course, none of this helps if there is a wreck on the track.  But don't worry, Nascar has covered this basis as well!!  As soon as there is a crash, Jr will just stop where he is and wait for them to clean up.  Once the track is clear, Jr will be able to keep running where he is.  Unless of course, the wreck is in front of him, which will advance his position.

Any driver who hits Jr will immediately be black-flagged.  If Jr is behind someone, whether his car is faster or not (which of course it will be, remember all of that horsepower) the driver had better move over or risk a black flag.

Yes, now that I look at all of this, I realize that this new points system is just a conspiracy to give Jr the championship.  Why bother running the season?  With all of his newly acquired super-powers, Jr is sure to win.

Title: Separate rules for Dale Jr?
Post by: sally on February 15, 2004, 04:31:11 PM
Now we know why Junior is a lock for the new Nextel Championship belt!
With all those "horses" under the hood, I wonder if they will have a new crew member...the OAT man?  And, we won't have to wonder what sort of debris they throw the flag for, will we?  Instead of changing tires, will they get to change shoes?  Will they allow "studded" shoes for better traction?  I guess they will be using "gee" and "haw" for the road courses?  Will more companies start using equine symbols for their logos, to better compete with Jr?  Ah, the possibilities! :wink:

Title: Separate rules for Dale Jr?
Post by: marrtinigirl on February 15, 2004, 05:38:13 PM
One more refinement...for the restrictor plate races, they can pinch off one nostril on every other Clydesdale! :wink:

Title: Separate rules for Dale Jr?
Post by: Lou on February 16, 2004, 02:07:26 AM
methinks Martini Girl take her nickname seriously :-)